6 Differences Between Unhealthy and Healthy Love

Intensity vs. Stability

You know those first butterfly feelings when you meet a person you like; the energy is intoxicating and the connection feels magnetic. Intensity can be deceiving and trick you into thinking this is the feeling of a healthy match. Because, "how can your feelings be wrong?", right?
Well, "butterflies", "too good to be true", "love bombing", "moving too fast", can all be signs that a relationship is built on an unstable foundation.
When looking for a healthy partner, we want to feel secure. for example, if you have butterflies it may mean you have anxiety in the relationship. If you feel like your new relationship is "too good to be true", it could mean that it is. A healthy partnership is grown over time. Building on a foundation of honesty, security, give and take; eventually growing into more.

Isolation vs. Independence

Unhealthy love relationships can be controlling; you can feel isolated from your friends and family over time due to the idea that your partner "should be everything to you". This is a false assumption that we need to start to break.
We are each independent contributors in a partnership that work together to enhance each other's lives. The idea your partner can be your everything is not a sustainable role for anyone to take on. It can also be the reason people find it hard to leave unhealthy love relationships. They have no other sense of community, family, or support outside of their partners.
To have a whole human experience there needs to be an equal amount of energy spent on your partnership along with the other relationships, passions, and hobbies that are important to you. With equal energy placed on different parts of your life, if one area of your life is lost you never lose everything. You can lean onto the areas you still have to help support you. When your relationship is your world and your partner is your everything. If you lose that person, it can be catastrophic to your life and happiness.

Jealousy vs. Concern

The feeling of jealousy in a love relationship means there is a lack of trust present. It could stem from trauma from a past relationship that is carried over into the next or it can mean that your partner has done something to make you lose trust in their commitment to you and the relationship.
Concern in a relationship is linked to a feeling of care for your partner. It has nothing to do with feelings of betrail and more to do with protecting and cherishing what you and your partner have built together. It is coming from your heart (abundance and love) and not from your ego (scarcity and lack mentality).

Belittling vs. Teasing

What is the difference? Belittling is toxic. This happens when your partner uses your vulnerabilities against you, putting you down in front of your friends, family, or peers. Usually, the hope is to make you look small and your partner look big. It is used to imbalance the roles of your relationship. It is used to hurt or cause pain.
Teasing, on the other hand, is playful, it's used to bring us all back down to reality. It is used to defuse intense moments and never done to make your partner look bad or "less-than". Teasing is sometimes a way to show affection and love, but never uses vulnerabilities that may be hurtful to your partner. When partners tease, they also know when to stop and balance it out with gratitude and praise for their partner in the end.

Manipulation vs. Generosity

Manipulation is when your partner tries to control your thoughts, actions, and feelings. They slowly make you feel like you can't trust in yourself or your emotions as the truth. Manipulation can look like caring, but it is selfish in the end. Examples can loo like this; "oh, you don't want to give me a hug, I guess you don't love me". Or "You are being too emotional, I was just joking, take a chill pill". These small phrases are manipulative. They are controlling and dismissive of your partner's wants and feelings.
When a partner is truly generous with their actions, they do not try to change anything about who their partner is or what they are feeling. They approach their relationship from a place of giving and care. You feel supported and heard. You know your partner is there to help you become more of who you want to become and not who they need you to be for their agenda.

Volatility vs. Honesty

The definition of Volatility is the liability to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse. This means that at any moment your partner can turn against you and become vicious with words, thoughts, or feelings. Placing them on you to take on our deal with as your own.
It can be stressful to never know when you will experience this from your partner and can be emotionally abusive in a relationship.
A partner that can be honest with feelings and internalize them before communicating is a sign of a healthy person. They can take ownership of their feelings and emotions before acting on them. They can approach partners with honesty on actions that hurt them from a place of calm which supports the structure of a secure conversation.